When I had DD she was 4 weeks early, in the SCN...

When I had DD she was 4 weeks early, in the SCN and I was expressing so they could feed her down a tube in her nose. My milk didn't come in until day 10. When they took the tube out and I started BF her she lost weight but the Nurse failed to tell me that it is normal for them to lose weight when BF cause it takes an awful lot of energy on their behalf (found this out later from a different nurse). Anyway, a very rude Nurse (and I wish I had made a complaint about her at the time) told me I was starving my child because she was very unsettled when it was actually because no one had informed there were foods you can and cannot eat and DD had an upset tummy. This nurse gave DD a bottle of formula without my permission (apparently I wasn't coming back for her next feed - I mean ****? I was BF why would I not show up to feed DD?) and DD suffered Nipple Confusion, believe me it does happen. We started with a nipple shield because she refused to latch and would just scream and move her head from side to side completely missing the nipple. We persevered with the nipple shield but DD was losing weight, she was literally swimming in milk because I had so much and was choking on it and not getting enough milk to actually drink. One night I just cracked it and we put her on the bottle. I felt so guilty and horrible after the whole experience and ended suffering from PND. I really believe that all the stress I went through playing a major part in my PND. This time round I have FF DS from birth, I know myself that I could not handle going through all of that again. Yes, maybe it would have been better second time round, maybe DS would have been a different to DD but I would rather keep my sanity. I never had any problems with the midwives/nurses at the hospital with DS no one even asked why I wasn't BF. Sorry for the long ramble, but yes I feel guilty and totally inadequate for not being able to BF DD but I feel a hell of a lot better knowing that my children will still grow up happy and healthy on formula and they will have a happy mum. Tash [Edited on 04/01/2009]